Bus Journey

The noise was louder now, deafening, practically unbearable.
It never seemed to stop, slowly at first but quicker over time, a wave of discomfort began to effect everyone within earshot. The pitch was unworldly, a screeching of such intensity that all around refused even to acknowledge its existence. One of these people most affected was a middle aged man by the name of Jacob.
Jacob gritted his teeth and narrowed his eyes tightly. He took a deep breath a braved a glance over at the source of the noise. Man I hate children, he thought to himself. The mother of the child looked like she shared a similar view on the world as she gently tried to encourage it to stop its incessant bawling.

HorridCarrot · Uncategorized

Rescuing Dr. Caroll


Today in HorridCarrot studios (My Flatmates bedroom/our kitchen) we return to playing the Rare hit, Perfect Dark, included in the Rare Replay package.

Again we take up the mantle of super sexy, super spy, Joanna (surname yet to be Wikipedia-ed) in her battle (?) against evil corporation (we assume) DataDyne.

  • I think I should point out now that we clearly haven’t been paying a huge amount of detail to the story line, and just really enjoying shooting many many bad guys.

A lot happens in this episode, and in the aim of titillating your taste buds yet avoiding spoilers for a 17 year old game I will just tell you a few things to keep your eyes peeled for:

  • Our Super Sexy Spy Bum
  • Op Shotguns
  • Mouse Romance
  • Bad Ass Lasers
  • Blinded by the Night!
  • Use of our Initiative (Not Google)
  • Intense Elevator Usage
  • And finally….. Unacceptable Scientist Casualties




HorridCarrot · Uncategorized

Me but a sexy spy… 


So I made some more YouTube videos,this ttime we play Perfect Dark, a n64 game revamped for the xbox in the rare replay package. In it we make a friend, leave a friend behind show no mercy and even have a slow motion replay. To be fair there’s not much more you could ask for….. Fine there’s also some sexy n64 ass (happy now!?) 

Just click the link above! 

*Disclaimer- The cake is a lie*


Done trying

I am done trying to change, I know somebody who had a lot of problems with who I am, and for a while I agreed, there are parts of me I dont like.

So I tried to fix them, for me and them. Turns out some people aren’t happy about anything. You can take the whole fucking world and move the pieces and they’ll still have a problem with the chair you gave them. Best part is this person, has the audacity to ask that I take them seriously, because a few of there problems are upsetting them. So I am done.

Im not going to keep up this game anymore. Not for somebody who doesn’t even seem to care, or somebody who doesn’t even seem to get me. Its about time they changed for me first, or at least showed some kind of thanks for the work I’ve done.


Burning Silence

I live my life in noise. I hide in sound and distraction and conversation. Silence terrifies me. 

You come into my house and they’ll be some form of music, either the scratchings of a record as I read and wrote in my room, or the background of a Tv show or a game. It the kitchen with my friends, some background music if our voices are not being loud enough. My life is loud, but because it needs to be.

Quiet is solitude, the music is a companion. Music is a friend that smiles at me and tells me not to worry about it. Music says don’t think about those things, cheer up. But he’s not always there, he sometimes have to leave, or worse,  I send him away. I take the needle off of the record, or I sit alone, turning off my ipod. Then its just me in the room, and my thoughts can escape. Loneliness becomes a force, a heavy blanket I get stuck beneath. My mind thinks of the things I lost and the things I’ve never had, hindsight is 20:20 and in the quiet all my mistakes, the many I could have prevented, become crystal clear reflections of my own quiet face. 

So I invite my friend Noise back in. A friend calls for me, or I change to a new track, if only to throw away the quiet for a short while, because I fear one day I’ll get trapped in it, and I won’t be able to get out. Until then I’ll keep the Noise close, keep the music alive. And it will do the same for me.



Eight days, tears and frozen action, wandering blearily full of doubt and panic, the wait in front not even noticed.Seven days, thought, and lots of it. Doubt still creeping where now it was not wanted, decision slowly forming, noticing the wait ahead, daunting as it is.

Six days, decisions made, mind unsettled but certain, the wait heavy, friends support sought, found but not taken.

Five days, numb, waiting.

Four, numb, waiting, nervous

Three, numb, waiting, scared

Two, a picture of you, tears, more wandering, lost more than before, the wait slips away then quickly returns, heavier than before, mind made up. Now I know.

One day, a friends belief, faith, tears, happier now, but still, still bitter on my cheeks, terrified, what if we dont agree.

Less than a day now, waiting, hours feel like hours, minutes become days.

My stomach revolts against me, not long now.


Still waiting.



I dont know what to do. I used to sit up at these hours just to keep seeing you.

I dont want to stop loving you, but its what you want. Need?   

I dont know…. how to do what you want.

I dont want to believe youve given up.


Is there still a chance, am I just being me? Im scared of drowning in hope, but if I stop hoping, what then….

I guess I lose you.

Help me.

Fuck sake, I want you to smile like you do in my head. 

But me loving you is making you, not happy.

Why wont you let me change that.

I dont know how to not love you, not easily. 

I wish you would trust me, even if I am wrong.

Do what you want….. Do you want?

Im terrified im the only one if us who wants this to work.

What do you want.

What do you need.
Im scared.
I love you